Frases...

You - Off my planet.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.

I fish, therefore I lie.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Your stupid!

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.

If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

Worry. God knows all about you.

Vote Republican — it's easier than thinking!

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition

I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Don't believe everything you think.

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

What would Gandalf do?*

Double your drive space. Delete Windows.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.

So many cats, so few recipes.

Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

On your mark, get set, go away!

If you can read this, you're not the president.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.


*É uma brincadeira com uma frase muito utilizada pelos cristãos em tempos de dúvida: What would Jesus do?